TiFA ROCKFERRY

” ..if someone accuse you of lying.. dunt get too affected, because you know you never lie. you just dunt tell him everything.”’

Someone whom i know for a long time asked me a question yesterday. I was kinda surprised so it takes me a second to come up with an answer. My heartbeat pulsing. I’m thinking for the right words. This situation makes me sick. I think very hard, and came up with nothing. My mind is still working hard for an answer.

I wish the earth would just swallow me and take me back to the world i know. I was alone with him. Though im in a very sticky situation im still trying to maintain my cool. Though he was voluptuous as ever. I miss that fine structure, i miss the way how he always held me in his fine, long arms. I never thought i would be reminiscing the past.

Some feelings still remain here in my heart. But i dunt want to remember & feel that anymore. At that moment, i had a brainstorming thought i remember how miserable i WAS when he left. And my answer is … “I dunt want to be with you anymore, there is someone else.”

Take that! I wish i would never regret what i said. Buh, its the right thing, right? or left? haha. I have another man in my life, though our feelings for each other is not official we keep on moving forward. 6 months is quite long ayt? He loves me, and i Love him. I dunt need my ex partner anymore, i have sacrifice almost everything, suffered soo much, lost everything when im with him. When i say everything, it includes my very treasure. yea, thats right.

Then there, he always bring up a subject. Always bringin up the past. I dunt want to talk to him anymore. Coz’ everytime i have any strings attached to him i get so miserable. Sometimes i wish he would just stay away, AWAY.

The question he’s asking me is.. ” Can we start again? ” fuck. I want to cry, i want to tell him how miserable i WAS without him. Now i have grown on my own, now that im MISS INDEPENDENT i dunt want to be attached to him anymore. He have hurted me so much. Its so hard to forgive him.

I could live without him. I know i could. I have a new life now. A new personality. A new Fatima. Varnished and stronger as ever. The new me. Then there, his emotional outburst. I’ve awaken his anger. And right there at that moment, I AM DOMINATING. Im winning his game, having the last laugh. HE IS SUCH A LOSER! I cant remember fallin to a person like that. haha!

He said that i lied to him thrice, and he cant take that for granted, boo! whatever i never ever told you a lie asshole. And i know that, IF YOU REALLY LOVE SOMEONE. YOU SHOULD FORGIVE THEM EVEN IF IT HURTS SO MUCH. i wade goodbye via emoticon. take care coz i dunt care! [we're just chatting in yahoo messenger with our webcam on] I never lie to you, i just dunt tell you everything.

Now, im missing my present LOVE, ************toot************* The boy i ever wanted my whole life. The one i want to spend my entire life with. Im loving him for quite a while. Thank God he came! Didnt i tell you he was and still is my savior? my KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR.

He shaped the new me, the new FATIMA. And im so thankful that GOD has brought a very beautiful blessing into my life. I always thank GOD for bringing Darryl into my life. Yeah, that right. He who shot me with an arrow in my heart. OH MY GOD!! i really love him, just like how you love youre parents, my love for him can make mountains move, make the color blue become yellow. haha! whatever, i’ll do everything just for him.

Ok, read between the lines. You could get something in here. :)

PAST IS PAST, THERE IS A REASON THEY ARE CALLED PAST, AND THERE IS ALSO A REASON WHY THERE IS A PRESENT AND FUTURE. isnt that cool? everyone is given a chance because its a matter of choice. you have a choice. everyone has it. SO, LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKE, MOVE ON AND ON AND ON. There will come a point in your life when you’ll realize who matters the most, those who does not and those who will not anymore. Dunt think too much bout them, there is a good reason why they are not in youre SO CALLED “present life”. You dunt need to understand everything. You just have to accept the fact that you are not included in they’re life, and you also, should remember that if you are not included in they’re life, they are not in yours. get it? Even in your fragile heart and mind. Also, learn not to give too much, learn to accept things as they are, thats just a part of a cylce of life. If you cant understand it, just learn accept the fact of its nature. Also, dunt expect too much. Dont think that they’ll do everything, just because youre so willing to do everything that much for them.

Always live youre life to the fullest. A good friend of mine always remind me that, LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO SPEND ALONE IN MISERY. Thats why try to be happy, at least try.

** DO stress out everything.

** DO smile. Remember that nothing can bring you down, neither YOURSELF!

** DO think positively, ” LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE”

** DO find the best thing that will fit you. Dunt settle for any uncertain things.

** DO GO OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS, always remain occupied with things,

** DO, remember that problems are just tests from LORD GOD, testing how strong your faith is, always pray.

** DO, Let your family accompany you with things, let your friends know all your problems and let them confide in you. That will strengthen your bonds.

AND LASTLY, ALWAYS ASSURE YOURESELF THAT SOMEONE WILL ACCEPT YOU FOR WHAT YOU CAN AND WHAT YOU CAN’T BE. ^_^